For some stupid reason i cant read other peoples journal, like all the private journal i have. I cant any more i just cant stand reading about others and how they are better then me. I dont really care anymore about anyone in particuly and im thinking of myself now. This does sound selfish, oh and let me tell you one thing. It is. Sorry bout that. My close friends, i luv them but ill stay to that point.

I'm soo happy for obvisouly reasons at school, home is another thing, and other place i wont name has been way better.

I don't what to ruin my happiness with caring about people who doesnt give a shit about me. I'm so sorry for not caring and im soo sorry for forgeting you love me, im soo sorry for acting a new way, and ive been trying to get your attention since about 24 months, you refuse to care, i refuse to dare ill go far. One day you will see how much i forgot, how much ive changed and how much each night i pray for you and nothing you do is welll

I was sooo happy in schooll teoday i would dance all day! and God helped me today, i prayed in class for my Speech...and i got 77% im really proud because my teacher was really strick with the other kids.

Like i said that J is my motivation well for that side nothing went right....sad sad.

Im going to the gym tonight and i know this will be great, nyways..gettin back and new perso new way, new sytle

STUPID



j****


its the only thing

motivation

omg
i cant believe how sick i was...:S it was nasty..all friday and saturday. Some of my friends went lafter i couldnt go because i was sick. They were on la peanut i mean i dont care anymore cause i know how it feels, i dont know why its not good...:S im stuck on that. Stupid influence and stupid drugs

Since this weekend i cant stop binging, getting back on track.

Okay i wont say any names, but ukw well when im with ukn im thinking of toukn...omg ahaivjguib veiugbvfugdajhg

Jtrouve pas la longeur ... mais jai changer....aik le temps nah pas pour toi..as tu changer de frequance

I hate criing at school, espacaily when you dont want other people to say ahh whats wrong or things like that ...cause its not their buisness. On the other hand theirs time where you want other to say whats wrong, though today i wasnt in the mood to tell what was wrong except to Mel. It was all wrong i didnt know who to trust and i didnt know why could i trust..thats was the wrost part. After lunch me and mel went to walk outside and in the sun...since it was quite hot. I got over and triied really hard to cry.

I got over it and tonight im going to steph parfty which will be great. :)

Humm i had a hard time yesterday to talk to God because i felt like if i couldnt something was blocking

I can't...
I can't stop...
I can't stop thinking...
I can't stop thinking about...
I can't stop thinking about my...
I can't stop thinking about my dad!!!!

How he drinks, how he made me in pain this summer, how i cant forgive and how he used to cry in my arms...how i was sad, how i needed his attention for once...how he made my mom criied, how it STILL HURTS!!!!!

Why can't i forgive??!??!?!? Why Why Why?

I pray
I cry
I am

ME

All Broken

I told Mel and Steph about Mich....and all they could tell me was "Caro tes vraiment conne" Wow i dont need this, i need recomfort. It's been 8months almost 1 year and i want to be with him not with him like going out but with him like seeing him once. I know i can't. I Can't....ahhh stupid guys....why now, why not later in 5678999 years?

I need to force myself more in scholl and stop being lazy bug, but today was great ive done my work and payed attention in class

My biggest weakness is jealousy......................................................................................about.........................many things.................................

Can i ?? I'am i strong enough this time??!?!?!? I'm not to sure, really. It's always in my head i have to get it off. I'm sorry for being like this. It's a problem i know and what can i do about it? Nothing cause i'm not able!! I'm way to scared. The only thing that makes me going is bitter and caring, why? Oh i know why but i cant say. Why do we need food...?? Really all it did to me was ruined the was i was, the way my personality was...I have a new one, a better one, but a fat one. 

When i go on MSN and i see my ex on...all i can do is block him. He made me sad and he controlled me. My mom told me im a controller too...obvisouly two controller cant be one. I want to talk to him, to tell him how much i cared for him, how much i miss him and how much i would be jealous if he would be with someone else, how bitter iam and how i cant get him off my mind. Its sick after all he did to me. I was never seeing anybody, family, friends,etc..no all i cared about was him him him...i loved him once and there he was heart broken by my stupidy..yeah...will someday i would be able to talk to him without making him sad. Each time he wanted to do something with me, i said no or i said yes and then back off...he thinks i was using him and no i wasnt i was just way to scared...way to scared to be with him all alone, and feel like being in his arm.

Once upon a time...

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